


Slow to Work it Out

by HomesickAlien



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 00:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13224402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomesickAlien/pseuds/HomesickAlien
Summary: Baby Blue au.(The anime, not the horror movie.)





	Slow to Work it Out

**Author's Note:**

> Happy hellish new year.

Nazuna has been scrutinizing the door before him for nearly an hour now, like he might somehow find all the words he wants to say written on there somewhere. In retrospect, there’s never enough words he could say, never more than a casual conversation gives way to. Sometimes it’s more than words, little things he forgets in the moment: The tone, the volume, the nuance. Words alone won’t change a thing, they’re still the same people they were yesterday, after all.

Even after all that, they’re still the same people.

He wonders what really makes change, if he’s all that different from the doll he used to be, or if the doll he used to be were an illusion of his true self. If their relationship is really all that different without the talking, without the interaction. It’s not as though he can recall many conversations with Shuu a year ago, or two years ago, not any more than this year. And yet the longing never fades, it never changes, they always feel like something between friendship and rivals.

When minutes start to feel like hours in his chest, the awkwardness of standing at a door with his fist raised starts to get to him enough to make his move. He knocks once or twice before peeking in, asking for permission like it matters to him either way.

“Itsuki? Can I come in?”

He’s already halfway to the desk Shuu’s been sewing at by the time his request reaches Shuu’s ears. He silences the machine before him, grumbling something out before responding in kind. “I suppose.” Shuu’s voice is dry, he seems rather feverish and maybe that holds him back from running away from Nazuna’s advances. It feels like an eternity since they’ve spent this long together, but it was really only yesterday. A few days past. A night of performing together, despite being separated, whether it was a mistake or not, it felt like a dream.

The only reality left is Shuu’s fever and his fervent denial of it.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“No, I’m not.” Shuu sighs, crossing his arm as he leans into his chair. “That’s what I’d like to say, but it’d be troublesome for someone as busy as myself, you see? So, for better or worse, I’m fine.”

Nazuna hums, twiddling his thumbs behind his back. He really doesn’t know what to say, or if he ought to say anything at all. The nostalgia of this room gets to him a little, he remembers so many little details about their humble beginnings it’s almost sickening. The first songs they’d composed together, the first dance routines they’re practiced together, the first outfits they’d designed and sewn together… How cumbersome memories could be, even the scent remains unchanged. It’s like coming home to a distant relative’s place, soothing and unnerving all the same.

“Itsuki?”

“What is it? Certainly, you didn’t come just to bother yourself with my health.”

“That’s a cruel thing to say.” Nazuna says, turning to hide his smile from Shuu’s ever vigilant eyes. “But you’re not wrong, I suppose.”

Of course Nazuna was worried about Shuu. Why wouldn’t he be worried about a fellow classmate? Perhaps he stuck his nose a bit too deep in the matter, his ears are still ringing from Mika’s criticisms of him, but he’s not left with any regrets. If anything, he regrets more watching Shuu so shamelessly push himself forward, that he’d come on stage dreadfully sick and Nazuna had wasted his time doing the same.

They could fall apart at any second, Nazuna realizes he’s wasting precious time reminiscing. His resolve will fall apart if he keeps musing on the what-ifs and not acting on his gut instinct. Failure is only a product of a lack of faith, after all, there’s so much more to their day. He needs his full attention, one of a stranger and not of Itsuki Shuu.

“Just for today, Itsuki…” Nazuna begins, a deep focus to his face so he doesn’t bothersomely fumble his words. “Let’s forget about yesterday. About the past. About everything.”

Shuu raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t get a chance to speak. Nazuna’s been bold like that since he’d slipped through Shuu’s grasps, his voice is powerful and booming. So much so it fills the halls afternoon to evenings; he’s a proud leader in everything he does, and Shuu despises every second of facing that reality. That Nazuna is so much better than Shuu and still keeps coming back to his arms, it’s infuriating.

Nito deserves to dream of better things than Itsuki Shuu. Or maybe it’s Shuu who’s selfish, believing anything Nazuna does is for Shuu.

“Let’s go to the beach, Itsuki.”

 

Skipping classes might be the natural state of being for Shuu, but it’s not very befit for Nazuna. He’s such an honorable child, one who does all the right things for all the right people without a hint of spite or resentment in his soul. He’s not smart– well, he’s not a genius, that is– but he gets his work done and never misses a class just for the fun of it.

Still, he looks so cute, balancing on the edge of the sidewalk just a few steps ahead of Shuu. He looks so cute under the bright afternoon sun, in the outdoors where leaves are falling right onto his hair. Just like when they’d first met. Just like when they were friends, if he could really call them that.

Shuu hasn’t seen Nazuna casually in such a long time, it feels like a sin he can’t repent for.

“How much money do you have?”

Shuu shrugs, digging through his pockets for his wallet and being disappointed in the contents. He’s not really the one who works for it, anyway. He might be able to put on shows and sing, but the bulk of it comes from the hard work of his good-hearted junior. Sometimes he works too hard, to be giving those funds to Shuu for materials, he’d be happy if the boy would rest for just a minute, not care about Valkyrie or Shuu, but that conversation never breaks through. It’s hard to kick a habit, harder to kick an addiction, after all.

“It wouldn’t be fair to utilize any of Valkyrie’s funds, so…”

Nazuna stops to face Shuu, peaking into Shuu’s wallet before digging out his own. He let’s out a sigh, sharing a glance into Shuu’s eyes with mutual understanding. They’re both pretty terrible idols, and they’re both just as insignificant in comparison to their juniors when it comes to making money.

“Well, let’s just see how far this takes us.”

Nazuna beams, and for just a moment Shuu lets loose enough to share that joy. He nods, walking ahead of Nazuna, clutching his precious doll close to his heart. He wonders what she would have to say about this. Sure, Shuu skips classes sometimes, but skipping school entirely is a whole other story. He wonders if Kagehira will be bothered, if he’ll call, if his parents will fret and worry if Shuu doesn’t return home in a timely manner for dinner. Maybe Nazuna senses that, pulling out his phone and shutting it off.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says, “Today is special.”

So Shuu does the same, taking out his phone and watching the screen fade out to black just as swiftly as it came to life.

“Let’s buy some sparklers, too. And go out to eat. And play some games, and–”

“Nonsense. I’m not going to suffer through the masses of people to spend the day with you.”

Nazuna laughs, running up to walk side-by-side with Shuu. He’s such a difficult person, someone who wants to enjoy life and doesn’t know quite how to. It’s clear he’s getting better, every now and again when Nazuna has free time to himself he sees Shuu spending time with a fretting Mika at one of his jobs. Regardless of the crowds, it seems Shuu’s learned to live a little more comfortably with himself. With other people. People Nazuna never would have expected, perhaps that’s a product of success itself.

But it’s easier to relish in growth if Shuu isn’t doing the same, Nazuna is as selfish as he is kind.

“I’m surprised you’ve never done this, before.” Nazuna hums, “You’re such a terrible rebel, you know?”

“How so?”

“You only do the bare minimum required in school just to shout about what a genius you are. It’s really troublesome, you know?”

Nazuna laughs. To be honest, if they really did compare each other, he might admit Shuu is smarter, wiser, more philosophical or something of the likes. But he’s not really lazy either, he’s just stubborn. Stubbornly arguing with teachers, stubbornly performing down to the millisecond, stubbornly stuck in his ways. He could excel at any subject, but he can’t stand to be told what to do, or more accurately how to do it, and so here he is: An average student, performing on average stages, an empty shell of his former glory. Stubborn pride only flourishes in a school without rules or limitations, he supposes.

“Absurd. I am a genius, it’s everyone else at that sickening school that’s foolish.”

“You know, when I met Kuro for the first time, I couldn’t imagine the two of you as childhood friends? But now, I can see it clearly, you know, you’re just a few bruises and piercings shy of being a genuine delinquent.”

“I-I… No… That’s absolutely incorrect, we’re nothing alike at all? Are you blind, or just stupid, or…”

Seeing Shuu flustered like this, it’s not like a conversation they’ve ever had before. It’s normal, it’s like what he imagines the kids in the general high school are like. Playfully insulting, and teasing, and gently flowing through life like their childhood days were endless and abundant. Even now, he can’t think of a time he’s felt this way, with anyone at all but least of all with Shuu.

Or maybe that’s a part of growing up, the part where you stop caring about tomorrow, and begin living in the moment.

“Do you remember our first conversation?”

“...No, how frivolous of you to think I would.”

“I said that very same thing to you. Stop causing trouble and go to class… Geez, what a long time ago that was, huh?”

 

Sometimes, it’s the pettiest memories that hit the heart hardest.

They’ve spent so much time together, somethings just don’t stand out anymore, and the ones that do are so mundane. In a library, at one in the afternoon, a little past lunch which Shuu most certainly didn’t eat. His head on the cold table, brimming with thoughts and ideas, threads he hasn’t quite worked out and ones he’s just starting to. Like one big puzzle, if he stares at the problem long enough it begins to make sense, after all.

Nazuna never really catches his eye, Shuu’s too far gone to really notice people around him, but he can’t help his annoyance by Shuu’s method. His theory of life. His skipping class for the third time this week, that he knows of, at least. It starts with a light touch, then a gentle shake, then Nazuna’s true colors show and he slams his hand on the table. Nazuna was loud, then, and he’s loud now, but he was certainly loudest then. Before he and Shuu really knew each other, the very moment they began to be friends.

“Mentor…” Nazuna sights, “Hey, stop causing so much trouble for me.”

Shuu’s not dead, he only knows this because he chooses to respond with a grunt at Nazuna’s act. For such a cute thing, he’s anything but. Always abrasive, aggressive, stand-offish. Shuu can’t understand it at all, that someone he loves could be so opposite to his ideals - Is he perfect, or is he a false paradise? A test from God? Shuu’s so busy trying to work it out in his mind, the sudden sensation of touch throws a wrench in his thoughts.

“Seriously, it’s troublesome for everyone, you know? Go to class properly today.”

Shuu watches Nazuna with the softest smile. Just a moment of closeness brings him back to such a pitiful state, of being in love. Of falling in love. Of falling in love for the entirely wrong reasons at that, but right now that thought doesn’t matter at all. The reason is meaningless, it’s all about the feeling, one he can’t say he’s ever experienced since. This gentle adoration, it doesn’t translate at all to the person it’s aimed to. Nazuna doesn’t understand it for a second, someone falling in love with him.

“I wish I could, but I’m busy, you see?”

Shuu waves his arm over the mess he’s scattered in front of him, books and papers with awkward scribbles about them. Troublesome as he is, he’s not without work ethic. He’s been just as diligent here as he would be in class, perhaps more so, and none of it makes sense to Nazuna. He lets go of Shuu and reaches to decipher some of the thoughts he’s scrawled out but they don’t make much sense to anyone but the auteur. Performing and singing songs with Shuu, it’s an odd experience, not what Nazuna expected when he signed up to be an idol at all.

But he smiles, none-the-less. He’s such a silly person, Itsuki Shuu, trying so hard for so little reward, just to live out his dreams. Nazuna can’t say he really had those kinds of grand ideals about his life before meeting him.

“I see… You’re going to cause me trouble all the way to Heaven, then, won’t you?”

 

He’s not entirely wrong about that.

Nazuna looks at the train schedules like a math problem he can’t resolve, and Shuu follows his terrible instincts with the pride of a God just as he would with anything else in life. He drags Nazuna along, although never actually touching him, certain without being capable of admitting his own mistakes.

“Are you sure this is the right one?”

“Absolutely, when have I ever led you astray?”

Nazuna chooses not to answer that question. The past aside, there’s plenty of times Shuu has been inherently inconvenient, his ways of thinking and philosophies on life are a constant burden to those around him. Who chooses to put up with it and who doesn’t is a different story, and for today Nazuna supposes he’ll put up with it again. It’s not like he has any idea where to go, anyway.

The destination is more of a sidenote in this story, really. To get to spend a day with Shuu, he hasn’t had a day like that in what feels like years. Maybe it has been years, he’s not certain what dates his memories take place in, or even in what order much anymore. Just the end, and the beginning, it seems the plot has been muddled up somewhere inbetween.

Boarding the train together, it seems so mundane, and he can’t help but wonder about what everyone else is doing here. Where they’re going, where they might end up, where they started… It’s easy to forget those things about himself, even. Every day that’s built up to this very moment, somehow it’s easy to suppress the memories and let them all meld into one mess of a timeline, but every single choice he’s made has certainly been the right one, he thinks.

He wonders, too, what everyone’s going to do. Graduation seems to creep up faster every passing day, will he have to keep performing until the day he dies? Is that what Itsuki wants, too?

“Hey,” Nazuna mumbles, “I just remembered something…”

“And what would that be?”

“Valkyrie’s very first show.”

Shuu doesn’t say anything, just hums his acknowledgement back. It’s such a distant memory, now, before they’d ever risen or fallen from stardom. Just a small, little stage, still as extravagent as they are today, and just a small, little crowd. Is anyone from that day still loyal enough to come see Valkyrie now? The buzzing in his ear bring him back to that very moment, the first songs they’d debuted to the public. Songs that had so much potential they can never perform again, that they barely even did back then. Shuu’s always wanted to surpass himself, over and over again until his product were perfect, recreating that perfection on stage is a difficult feat to come by.

And yet it really feels like they did, back then. Even if it was the first time anyone would have heard their voices, somehow it felt…

“It was terrible, wasn’t it? We could have done so much better, then.”

“You think so?”

“Of course I do, I have proof of it now, after all.

Nazuna can’t find the words to disagree with that. Seeing Shuu and Mika perform together, they seem to have really figured it out, what to do to create the best possible outcome on stage. How hellish must that have been for Shuu, to have to hit rock bottom just to find what makes him special. What would old fans and critics say about them now, that they’re doing better or that they’re failing miserably? Do they see the light in Shuu’s eyes now, the one that’s never seemed to be there until recently?

They look miserable, compared to everyone else, but he wonders who’s having the most fun now. If it’s Valkyrie or fine.

Maybe they still have a long ways to go to find it, their smiles they promised to dedicate to him.

 

“This is…”

Nazuna speaks slowly as they exit, taking in the scenery like it might somehow change altogether if he stares at it long enough. It would be too much to finish the thought, Shuu gets enough stabs to his pride in a day as-is, with or without Nazuna there to give them. It’s an unfortunate side-effect of being an all around average person, regardless of the high and mighty front.

“How are we gonna get back?”

Nazuna follows right behind Shuu, who’s almost aggressively stampeding to the nearest map without a hint of shame. Even if he has no idea what he’s doing, Shuu always seems to have an air of confidence that could fool even professionals into letting him take the wheel. It’s such an odd, extra talent for someone already so talented, to be able to fake it so well.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?”

Shuu comments, stopping to put a hand on the map, following trails to figure where they’ve even been dropped off at. He stares at it for an exceptionally long time, not really comprehending a thing about it, relatively unaccustomed to such methods of traveling. In fact, it occurs to Nazuna that Shuu rarely leaves the house at all. Suddenly, his blind faith in Shuu seems to come back to his own ignorance, he can’t help but blame himself.

“I think... “ Nazuna quietly pipes up to fill in the dead air, pointing to a trail on the map, “This one… Is probably the one we want, first.”

Shuu looks down at Nazuna, sheepishly looking back at him. There’s an awkward moment of catharsis when Shuu nods at him, following his advice without question or critique. It’s a new feeling for Nazuna, even though he’s a leader in so many respects, getting consolation from Shuu still feels wrong, a Shuu that isn’t Shuu at all.

He supposes his memory of Shuu will never truly line up with Shuu as he is now, though. They’re always changing, after all, the Nazuna of yesterday is nothing like the Nazuna today, he’s sure of that much.

 

“Here.”

Shuu says, tossing a bag of sparklers onto Nazuna’s lap. They’re so childish and inviting, he can’t help but smile at what a stupid thing they’ve chosen to do together.

“Thank you, hopefully we get back before it gets dark. They wouldn’t be much use in the daylight.”

Shuu gives a gentle smirk in response, waving his hand to guide Nazuna onto their next train. Even now, it’s starting to get rather late. Morning feels like a distant memory, he can feel his stomach growling for lunch.

“We can get something to eat at the next stop, alright? It should be fine.”

 

It feels like they’ve been on and off about a thousand trains already, suddenly the excitement of skipping class has gone from mundane to headache inducing as they board what they hope to be their last one. Even the sun is beginning to say it’s goodbyes, slowly tracing its way down into the darkness with every passing hour.

Nazuna starts to feel the fatigue he’s been fighting off all this time reach its peak when he sits down. Not even the coffee in his hands seems to help any, every sip just seems to bring more of his desire to sleep out in him. Maybe if he could trust Shuu to stay up, he’d take his chances with dozing off. With every blink of his eyes lasting longer and longer, he’s not sure he has a choice in the matter, but he’s certain Shuu’s just as tired.

Shuu doesn’t get out much, he doesn’t have the energy for crowds and distant travel, he must be more worn down than Nazuna, but he doesn’t show it quite so easily. It’s something Nazuna has to force out of him, slowly leaning against Shuu’s shoulder with eyes that won’t stay open. It feels like only a moments passing when he closes his eyes, yet when he regains consciousness he’s certain they’ve made it back to square one.

“Itsuki, get up.” He says as he tugs at Shuu’s sleeve, “I’m pretty sure we missed the stop.”

“You’re kidding, aren’t you?”

Nazuna shakes his head and Shuu sighs at even the prospect being laid before him. He starts to begrudge ever accepting to follow along, but of course, he can’t be so mad. It only translates to a few extra moments with Nazuna, maybe even more than that. When he looks at it that way, it’s not so terrible. Of course, he hasn’t thought much of where to go from this point, except the train’s next stop, but the time together has started to become something akin to catching up with an old relative. Someone who’s a stranger yet so close all the same, it’s not a bad thing to spend time together. This one, forgetful day in a history of days they’d forgotten each other, there’s no harm in that, no matter how grumpy he’s gotten aimless in their travels.

Nothing really compares to catching up.

 

“This is going pretty terrible, huh?”

Nazuna comforts Shuu as they distance themselves from the station. All the attempts to reroute themselves back on track have worn down their budget pretty heavily, and there’s not much they can do except travel on foot.

Of course, that would take months to bring them back there, and they’ve only got a day that’s sooner ending than it is getting them anywhere.

“No choice, huh?”

Nazuna says, looking over a pile of semi-forgotten bikes chained up outside some stores. It’s easier to take if he doesn’t think much of someone coming back for it, and really it does look pretty dusty and pitiful. Maybe it hardly even works, and that’s why it’s been left here barred by rusted chains. And that makes it perfect for the two of them to ride their way to the beach, probably, anyway.

“Guess we could just steal one?”

“That’s illegal, Nito.”

“So what?”

What he really means to say is, it’s not really any worse than anything else they’ve done together. Not any worse than participating in a war between high school students. Not any worse than skipping class, today. Not any worse than choosing to run away from each other.

So they aren’t moral angels. That doesn’t change the pit in Shuu’s stomach committing such a crime.

“You should probably pedal. You’re taller and all… Well, it probably doesn’t matter since you don’t have any stamina, though?”

Nazuna manages to break away the chains of an older and less stable lock. It only serves to exemplify the difference between their actual strength. Nazuna hasn’t slacked off for even a moment in enjoying this past year, he’s got so much more energy to spend when his entire day is composed of chasing one speedy boy.

“Aren’t you vile. I have plenty of stamina, it’s simply that I only like to exert it in a particular way, that’s all.”

Nazuna rolls his eyes, pushing the bike up to Shuu and watching him struggle to catch it before it rolls down hill. He gives him a look to say he’s not taking responsibility, watching Shuu desperately run to the bike’s aid. Though, when he does catch up, it’s pretty smooth sailing; Nazuna’s impressed Shuu is capable of carrying both their weights. He’s such a scrawny little guy, but Nazuna supposes he can’t really criticize him there.

"Here, hold onto Mademoiselle. And be gentle, this has been a terribly long day for the both of us, after all."

Sometimes, Nazuna himself forgets about the care Shuu puts into his muse. It's not something Shuu's ever really shared with Nazuna, an enigma he's only vaguely aware of, yet she's been here with them just as long as Nazuna has. Before he had even met Shuu, he'd been carrying around that doll within his arms. There's no reason for Nazuna to be rough with her, he's not that type of person, but hearing Shuu warn him like that is oddly endearing. He'd like to know more about her, if it'd bring him closer to understanding Shuu, and if no one else is willing to hear her out, he wouldn't mind it one bit.

Maybe nothing’s gone particularly to plan, the feeling of discouragement begins to fade when he really puts himself in the moment. The soft breeze that’s not too cold for late winter, and the sun that’s finally fully setting behind them. They're little things that could happen at any time and be utterly mundane, but hanging on the edge of a bike behind Shuu after spending the entire afternoon aimlessly filled with wanderlust, even boring things start to feel brand new.

If a moment could last forever, he wonders if he’d make the mistake of choosing this one to follow him to eternity.

“Look at the sky…”

Nazuna says, head tilted up without much thought for some time. Something about the stars tonight look so different, like they’re brighter. Like there’s more of them. Like he could find constellations in the sky with his eyes. They’re really none of those things, it just feels that way, when you look at the sky for too long it begins to overwhelm you.

“It’s beautiful. Hey, are you looking?”

“I can’t look, I’m the one driving, Nito…”

“So what?”

Nazuna says, pulling Shuu’s head back with a hand on his forehead. It’s not like anyone else is out this late at night for them to crash into, and they’re already wrecks as is. It’s so quiet, here, so quaint and simple. He feels like they’ve lost themselves in a pleasant little village, where the stars are so bright and the air is so clean. This is certainly the first and last time he’ll ever see the world with such unclouded eyes. Without any worries, fears, or concerns. Without the past holding him back.

No, this will become the first of many times he experiences life without thinking back to the past.

“Look at it. Was the sky this clear during Tanabata, as well?”

Shuu hums pleasantly at Nazuna’s musings, without anything to add, and somehow it’s better that way. The silence between them, it often speaks louder than words, when it’s what they’ve grown accustomed to. Still, since they last met, he’s certain they’ve both grown a little more from that. From the times Shuu hated his voice and the times Nazuna hated Shuu.

  
  
Nazuna groans as they stumble up the steps to the beach. It feels like it’s been years since they left the school, he could really fall asleep right between the comforting grains of sand. Shuu keeps up a good pokerface, but it’s obvious to him he’s just as tired as Nazuna is. He’s not really sure if he’s grateful they made it or not anymore, not really.

“The sun’s rising.”

Shuu mumbles, his words more or less drowned out with the crashing waves nearly touching their toes. He drops the sparklers onto the sand, about as useless as everything else they’ve done today.

“Yeah.” Nazuna says, “It’s not as fulfilling as I thought it’d be.”

He laughs, reaching his hand out to take Shuu’s like it’s going to bring them any closer together. In a way, it works, though. He realizes little things about Shuu and how he’s changed since just a year prior. His hands are more rugged than they used to be, more calloused. Every little indent of his palm has a story of hard work and dedication, and it’s got him pretty far, hasn’t it? The way Nazuna’s changed isn’t so subtle, it’s been bombastic and sudden to the point of being tiring. Maybe it would be better if he learned to take things slow, grow up slowly and return to this moment another day.

It’s just a thought, anyway. It’s obvious that’s not the course his life was meant to take.

“You know, all this time I thought to myself I’d really made my decision. The day I ran away, it would have been easy if that was the end of things, but it wasn’t until recently I really felt it in my heart.”

“The feeling is mutual, Nito. Valkyrie is truly at its prime with just two people, don’t you think?”

“Are you going to forget about me?”

Nazuna smiles forlornly, pulling back stray strands of his hair floating with the wind. It’s odd to feel regret in that statement, as though it’s not the best possible outcome it retrospect. Rather, it would be easy if it were so simple as just forgetting, but when they graduate it’s not as though there will be any reason to see one another again, either.

In the end, time always seems to cover up those wounds, let them fade out into nothingness as though they never happened at all. He can’t even remember the names of his childhood friends, anymore, and it’s not as though anyone ever remembered his name, either. Even amongst classmates, most of them won’t mean a thing in one or two years of being an adult.

“I’ve always been in love with you, you know? Infatuated with the idea we could spend our endless days together.”

“Are you scared that that’s no longer the case?”

“Terrified. I never asked to be human. I never asked to be an adult, Nito.”

Nazuna balances between his toes and his heels, not thinking deeply about anything in particular. He never really asked to be human, either. No, he’d never been given the choice at all, unlike Shuu. Nobody seems to appreciate how much freedom they’ve had over Nazuna, speaking for him without ever asking what’s been on Nazuna’s mind all this time. They’re getting better, though. Nazuna doesn’t want to let this conversation die with the tide, once the waves quietly pull back he decides to speak up again.

He has a voice, too. Even if Shuu hates it, he has a voice. With a deep breath, he comes to terms with it. With being something Shuu hates, that he would have thrown away...

“I think I’m in love.”

“I know.”

Nazuna smiles. Of course Shuu knows. Shuu knows everything about him, after all.

“I want to be with that person. I want to keep feeling the little butterflies in my stomach. I want to keep laughing, and smiling, and talking with that person.”

“I know.”

“I want to grow old and die with that person. I probably won’t make it that far, though.”

His laugh is empty, mostly air as though his soul were leaving his body. What a morbid thought, but nobody truly marries their high school lover, after all. Besides, idols have no right to fall in love, anyway. They’re society’s dolls, playing along to the whims of loveless boys and girls who have nothing more to live for.

That’s all he’ll ever be good for, no?

“I know.”

“It’s the same for you, isn’t it?”

Shuu remains silent. He doesn’t breath, he doesn’t budge an inch, like he’s been falling apart at just the thought of having a conversation. He’s so fragile, in that way, but nobody else will ever wake him up. Nobody else cares enough to, but Nazuna can’t stand to watch such a pitiful show any longer. Shuu’s more than a little pathetic, but Nazuna can’t really blame him. After all, Nazuna only just learned how to speak a year ago. He’s still figuring out the ropes to this terrifying reality, himself.

They’re alive. They’re young. They’re idiots. That’s fine, isn’t it?

“It’s the same for you, and so maybe you’ll end up forgetting about me. Would it be a good thing or a bad thing?”

Shuu doesn’t react, so Nazuna does it for him, dropping down and pulling open the little bag of sparklers.

“The sun’s already rising, Nito.”

“We might as well, we’re already here, aren’t we?”

He doesn’t argue, and Nazuna smiles just as bright as the sunrise to that. It’s not as though they have anything better to do, and that’s a small luxury of being a child the two of them might actually miss. Having nothing to do but be together, isn’t that what being in love is supposed to be like?

Nazuna flicks a lighter he has no right to own, proving himself no better than Shuu when it comes to being a good boy, after all. The sparks from the fireworks are brilliant even in the light of day, Nazuna jumps when they begin burning up in his face. Shuu laughs, which is such a rare sight it’s actually contagious, and Nazuna laughs right along with him.

Nazuna takes off his shoes, pulling Shuu closer to the shore insisting he do the same. They let their feet soak in the frigid water together as though it were secretly summertime for the two of them. There’s not a wonder in the world why it’s so empty here, winter still clawing its icy grips into the sand before the tides. Nazuna doesn’t care, and neither does Shuu, as long as they're having fun together, the future and past mean nothing at all.

But their time is running out, they only promised each other one day, after all. Soon, the wall that keeps them star-crossed will form again, they’ll have to go their separate ways. They’re going to graduate in just a few months, and live their own lives with the units they’ve chosen to be with. They’ll fall in love with other people, and next year the sky might be so cloudy they forget to even visit one another.

They’re becoming adults, and it’s terrifying, but so wonderful all the same.

“Itsuki.”

Nazuna grabs Shuu’s hand as the sparkler burns itself out. He’s got a laugh and a smile on his face that just can’t be put into words for Shuu, but even as he thinks that, there isn’t the flutter in his heart that used to be there. Not even the slightest hint of affection or adoration he once felt for Nazuna eats at him when Nazuna looks Shuu in the eyes. Maybe he’s already starting to forget, and move on, without having to say goodbye at all.

“Come to our next show. All four of us, we’ll perform together, if you decide to go.”

“Yeah,” Shuu says. “I’ll go with him.”

Nazuna wraps his arms around Shuu’s neck, stepping on his little tip toes to give Shuu a proper hug. Without the words to make it official, it feels like they’ve arrived back at the start, not really leaving, and not really staying, either. They still have time to figure it all out, all the small details before embracing adulthood and graduating together, and there’s no need to rush things. Just for now, it’s best to let the silence broken by ocean waves speak for them. Let the moment last far too long and be broken away with such simple words.

“Let’s go home, Itsuki.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment! <3


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